Your Broken Sister

  Dear _____,

  I wish you could know the feeling I put into these words, the pain that I've felt over this period of time.  That I understand the torment welled up inside you like a knife tearing at your heart and soul.  I wish I could have given a better explanation as to why I made the decision I did, but we needed a clean cut if this was going to be less painful than it could have been.  Never mind you'll find someone like me, probably better, I wish nothing but the best for you.  I ask that you forget me, and that your greatest dreams come true; I in turn have hidden your memory deep within my heart.  I promised that I couldn't forget you even if I wanted to, remember?

   I can't even listen to our song anymore because the aching starts again and I wish it wasn't like that.  My explanation to making the decision was that my family comes first.  And I couldn't have a sisterhood with someone who will be against my family, that's not what family is.  I've hurt my family by doing that once before, and I've regretted it ever since.  You might see your side of the story as right, and I see my decision a responsible one because of that.  You have no idea how much it was eating away at me inside because of it, I was falling deeper into a depression and I couldn't do that over again.  I was crying every night thinking of you.  I cried because I had to end it over this, and I knew I would cause you so much pain.  What your family thinks of it does not matter in the slightest bit, because it was between you and I. 

  I only wish you could know the full story, but that's something you have to decipher on your own.  A sisterhood is something that leaves everlasting imprints, some good, some that scar.  When I think back on our sisterhood I only want to remember the good memories; the times we laughed, the times we smiled, the times we cried because we were so happy.  I want to be able to think of you and not have tears swell up in my eyes or an ache in my heart that won't go away.  I promised to always be there for you, and even though I can't be there physically I will not stop praying for you.  I think about you more than once a day, and it pains me to.  I don't want your memory to bring pain.  And I wish my memory would not bring pain to you, but I know it does.  And I know it feels like it's unbearable to hold that in your heart but time forgets...

  So, even if it hurts, pretend that it's nothing.  Even if tears fall, know how to hide them.  Placing it on one side of the heart, and knowing how to smile as if nothing is wrong.  My heart is growing dim again and many lingering attachments are pulling down.  It will probably be erased, it will become faint.  Even if I say I miss you, I can't ever see you.  Even if it hurts, I have to withstand it.  Only my welled up tears remember you, and there are so many traces of happiness.  To me, love is such a painful thing.

 Sometimes, I will think of you
Only good memories will exist...

Still Forever Loved By,
Your Broken Sister

Silent Pain

  These eyes show everything you could possibly want to know. If only you would look closer at the lives of others and be able to take the time for them. Then maybe you'd see why I had to let go. You lay awake at night wondering why, but don't take the time to think. To everyone but you, it was the right choice. But I couldn't Jolson anymore, it was hurting too much, I was slipping again. Please understand why I had to say goodbye...my silent pain was something I could no longer bare so I let you go.

If Only

If only...
The whole world could sing for one Agape Love
So that we would all have a lullaby for
Our hearts to hear.


If only...
We could embrace one another in Agape Love
Anywhere we went
Then there wouldn't be broken souls.


If only...
This world could see His song
So there would be no more dying hearts.



If only...
This world could hold Agape Love
Before their souls are gone.

My Song of Prayer

Sing me a song of prayer
As I weep for them
These days grow darker
Because the rain threatens to fall
Nothing can erase these scars
As I think back to our yesterdays


I'm sorry I did not tell you sooner
And now you are so far away
The words have left my lips
My eyes fill with tears
As you sing my song of prayer


Life is like a mist in the wind
So fragile it breaks with the
Slightest touch
We smile as we live normally
Until the day comes when
They are gone, and we left
Them alone


Sing my song of prayer once more
For old time's sake
In hopes that in the future
No more hearts will break

Book of The Week!

This weeks book is "God's Smuggler",  it's about Brother Andrew and his journey from a soldier letting himself fall further and further into a chaotic life to becoming a soldier for Christ in the battle of evangelism.  Read about how he manged to smuggle Bibles into communist countries without being detected and how he live behind the Iron Curtain.

A New Beginning

So, another day I feel anxious to do something active, yet, I did nothing of the sort.  Sad really, but I just can't think of anything to do.  But within the past weeks I've come to a realization that I am, in fact, a wallflower. I tried to convince myself, as well as other people, that I wasn't when in reality I really am.  I've been living in my comfort zone for far too long and I think it's time to take a breath, close my eyes, and take that first step out into the open.  I know that so many people have tried to be friends with me, but because of a past of mistakes and hurt, I  really didn't care. All I wanted was to be left alone in my own little world of impossible dreams, and numbness.  It's something I've grown tired of and I'm ready to run the race.  So now I'm proud to say "Hello world, It's Mia and I'm ready to take on anything God has put in my path!  So bring it on!"

Greetings!

Well, I guess I haven't been keeping up with my blog as I had hoped.  But in my defense I was busy with craziness. ANYWAY! I do have a book for you guys even if it's not Sunday! yaaay!

A lot of people know Eric as the Scottish athlete who won gold in the  Paris Olympics 1924.  But not many people know about his mission life In China after that.  He was an honest, hard working, strong Christian man.  He gave much more than he had expected to receive and never tried to put the spotlight on himself even with all the fame his athletic talent gave him.  reading about Eric makes you reflect on your own life and think about how you have been or how you can use your talents to honor God before anything else.